They are the new age role models who live life on their own terms and defy age old conventions. The first lady of France, Carla Bruni, is a fine example of a woman who follows her heart. Bruni’s colourful lifestyle has made her an international icon because the lady has had the courage to be upfront about her life.
Yet another young lady, who has a strong mind of her own, is Prince William’s girlfriend, Kate Middleton. For the second year in a row, she turned down an invite from the Queen of England to join the royal family for Christmas.

The official excuse being that she wants to spend time with her family as this might be her last Christmas with them. More recently, when the queen wanted her to host a prestigious racing event, she politely refused. Kate doesn’t want to don the role of an official hostess for the royal family, till her relationship with William culminates in an engagement. Even when William and she briefly split, she was not seen moping around and instead went out practically every night proving to the Prince that she could survive without him. And it is this very self-confident approach that drew William back to her. While abroad, it is easy for women to flout conventions as society is less judgmental, the same may not hold true in India. There is constant pressure to conform to social norms or run the risk of being labelled in derogatory terms.

Having said that, Bollywood actresses like Sushmita Sen, Bipasha Basu and Preity Zinta have led pretty open lives. They have flaunted their boyfriends and don’t care about society. Delhi-based entrepreneur Feroze Gujral is not in favour of what she calls the “new pseudo western Indian girl”. “I like being traditional but I’m not conservative. It is important to know what is appropriate when. For instance, I might wear a bikini in Ibiza but will not wear a mini skirt to an Indian wedding. I’ve always lived life on my own terms and it comes from a strong sense of self respect. I’ve never taken permission from anyone to live my life but having said that I do the balancing act. I don’t miss out on important family occasions and so when I do need the space, my family understands,” she says.

Leena Singh, Bengaluru-based entrepreneur, believes that the key to acceptance lies in being financially independent.  “Most modern men want women who are doing something with their lives. They are looking for women of substance whom they can respect and admire. Even Indian women have come a long way. They are much more self reliant and outgoing. Even in an industry like Bollywood, today most of the actresses are well-educated and know their mind. But having said that, there are certain parameters that one tends to follow in India. Our society is relatively small and most people tend to know each other, so one has to be cautious in the way you conduct yourself as you don’t want to be labelled as cheap,” she says.

The Mumbai-based Wardha Nadiadwalla, wife of Bollywood producer Sajid Nadiadwalla, thinks otherwise and believes that more and more Indian women are living life on their own terms.  “My friend Malaika for instance came to my baby shower in shorts. My mom-in-law was present and I was wondering how she would react, but she surprised me by raving about Malaika’s toned figure. Even actresses Preity don’t really care too much about what society thinks or says and are great role models. I think our society has evolved a great deal and Indian girls are leading wholesome lives.”

QMany young couples seem to be facing problems with regards to having kids. Inevitably, while one partner is dying to have a child, the spouse is not too keen and this creates a rift in the relationship. Is there a right time in a marriage to have children?

DR LATA HEMCHAND, Therapist, Bengaluru

In my opinion, couples today don’t spend quality time with each other where they could explore and understand each other’s expectations on important issues. Due to this, the spouse who wants to have a child does not know what the anxieties of the partner are on this issue and how they can be resolved.

Some of the anxieties that men have which could turn them negative towards the issue are: fears about sexual performance, fear about losing wife’s attention, lack of confidence in themselves or the wife to manage increased responsibilities. While the women may also suffer from fears about the sexual act itself or related fears about pregnancy and child birth, fear of losing career opportunities, interference from in-laws and loss of freedom, conflicting role demands of being an ideal mother and a competent professional, etc. Most of these fears can be resolved by the couple if they give a patient listening to the partner’s view, empathise with him\her and discuss about resolving it in a satisfying  manner. They must learn to adopt a non-judgmental attitude while listening to each other.

Reddy, steady money

At a time when just about everyone is cribbing about inflation and business not doing too well, laughing all the way to the bank are the Apollo sisters — Preeta, Sunita, Shobna and Sangeeta. Apparently they make very wise investments in several start-up companies and have no qualms in selling out when offered a great deal. And it’s in these deals that they make a killing. The latest being the one where Kumaramangalam Birla bought them out. Everyone has been talking about how their personal wealth, each one’s that is, is easily over Rs 150 crores.

The rate at which marriages are breaking, parents were heard discussing how it’s really silly to spend a bomb on wedding these days. “Maybe the fifth wedding anniversary can be celebrated in great style, if the couple sticks it out that long,” is what ladies have been joking at the kitty dos.

Don’t miss the fight between Malini Alexander and Dalim Sehgal on Sunday! These two and their respective teams are all set to battle it out in the ‘Page 3 20-20’ cricket match.
And rather stressed are not the players but the organisers, headed by Vimla Nihalchand. They have to get booze, food, music... organised and pay the Jaisimha cricket academy for using their place.

Wonder who’s footing the bill cos we haven’t been told it’s a pool in party!
Partygoers doing cocaine better be warned. Recently in Chennai a Kenyan national was arrested carrying  coke and this guy sources cocaine from Hyderabad.
The cops here have been put on high alert, pubs and other parties are under watch. Youngsters better watch out as Charlie is the one guest on everyone’s party list now. Don’t be fooled into thinking it’s cool to do coke coz if you are caught the stigma will never go away.

Suddenly everyone is bitten by the media bug. Disha Girgilani is doing PR for a magazine, Upasana Kamineni is publishing a magazine called Blood and someone was talking about coming up with another city centric weekly. After newspaper and TV wars, looks like it’s time for magazine wars now.

Our snobbish P3Ps are annoyed with Mumbai based store Chemistry coming to the city. Wherever you go you will see at least 10 youngsters wearing t-shirts and skirts from there.
Designer Gopi Vaid was loved by a select few, but ever since she has started retailing in the city everyone has access to her designs. There is no exclusivity they complain.

QI have been married for three years and have a daughter. After three months of  marriage, my husband stopped communicating with me unless I talk to him. I was told that he was in love with someone but she dumped him and is married now. My husband says he wants to change but needs time. I've been patient for three years, how long do I wait?

Dear lady,

I’m baffled by your letter. You claim your husband does not communicate with you and if that is the case, how did you end up having a child? When you say ‘stopped communicating’, you obviously mean that he speaks little but there is a relationship otherwise you would not have a daughter. There is a possibility that he may have married you on the rebound and was taking time to recover from his previous relationship. While I do realise that this is not fair on you, you need to give him a little more time since he has indicated that he wants to change. I see this as a positive sign, so you have nothing to worry about. Also, he is not exactly ignoring you since you claim he responds to your questions. So why don’t you initiate conversation on a daily basis, in this way you will also help him come out of his shell. Good luck to you!  

Having problems with your marriage? Want to talk about it? Write to Grandma and take her advice. Letters must be addressed to: Grandma’s advice Lifestyle, 58,5th floor, H.M.Towers, Brigade Road, Bengaluru  or email it to grandma @deccanmail.com

Imraan Khan is the hottest new kid on the block. Even before his film’s release he has wooed the female audience just like his uncle Aamir Khan had done in the past. But his female fans will have to hold their thoughts coz Imraan is already taken. He's been with his girlfriend Avantika for six years now, and the two have the blessings of their families. According to their friends he is totally committed to her, but that’s not enough when you know your man is going to be a heartthrob, is it? So to express his commitment towards his girlfriend and put her fears at rest, we hear the new Khan on the block has decided to get engaged. Imraan's family, including Aamir is supportive of his decision and will be present to make the day even more special for him. Looks like everything is headed in the right direction for Imraan.

The same can’t be said about fellow debutante pitted against him, Harman Baweja. He and Priyanka might have finally accepted their relationship status but he has ruffled a few feathers in the bargain. Harman was on friendly terms with his Victory co-star Amrita Rao right from day one of their shoot. But after the long outdoor in Australia when the rumours of their link up originated, Harman decided to keep a distance from Amrita and hasn’t been in touch with her since then. And recently Amrita was in for a rude shock when during the shoot in Mumbai, Harman didn’t have anything more than a few hellos to say to her. Amrita who had got him flowers to congratulate him about his film’s promos and the buzz surrounding him, was left tongue tied because Harman wouldn’t even acknowledge her presence in the same breathing space. Amrita has learned her lesson and is not only staying away from him but is approaching other co-stars cautiously. You know it’s unfair when friendships are sacrificed at the altar of Bollywood ambitions.

Who is the Hyderabadi businessman supposedly dating actress Amrita Arora? Everyone in Bollywood is talking about them.

What has happened to Masi Khan? He’s not to be seen while his other pal Abhishek is quite the party regular.

Whenever people see Upasana Kamineni they ask her what diet she’s following cos she’s been losing weight like crazy. Her aunty Shailaja answers on her behalf, “No food.”

Where can you find Brij Sahani these days? On Facebook.

Why was Aditi Bhoopal ringing up all her friends recently? She wanted them to check out the clothes she has just started retailing.